It's just....one of those things

It's very hard to accept that one day it will only be me without Snoopy. We - pet owners know that our pets won't be with us forever but it's still very very hard to come to terms with it.

I was to write a very long story of the experience I had when I drove for 3 hours to take Snoopy to the hospital in Newmarket on that Monday evening. But I've decided not to now and moved on and tried to make the most of our days we have left together instead.

It's now 22:17 on a Friday night that the weather has been so bloody awful.  Snoopy is laying asleep in front of the fire - I've just heard him making a little noise in his sleep. When you know your dog is not well, it's hard to tell whether that noise means he is in pain, comfortable or uncomfortable. I feel nervous, I fear to lose him  - my little companion. 

                       

I think I could be a bit too melodramatic here but I'm experiencing a roller coaster of emotions right now.  I could be okay one minute and burst into tears the next. I've started to do things and go places without him but I miss to look into the rear view mirror and see his head bobbing in the boot of my car. 

And I would miss our trip to the beach, our long walk and him accompanying me to work. Most of all is having him at home - especially in the evening, when it starts to get dark and I feel most vulnerable and melancholy.

                    

I know I will never have another dog, I can't take the responsibility. But to at least having my own dog once in the life time is a true privilege. 

I don't want to go on as if I have already lost Snoopy I must try to enjoy that privilege of having him. But most of all, I also have to be kind to myself. -- I suppose it's okay to fear, to be sad or to cry as much as to be happy and loved. My heart is breaking but I have to say this before it's broken...

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you...........forever....."