evening and night time

 23:12...I'm writing this in bed with my electric blanket on so my bed is very cosy. And believe me it's the place to be right now as it's cold tonight. Just to say it's been a kind of perfect early spring as we have plenty of sunlight during the day but cold and frosty over night and morning. 

I've taken some twilight photographs. Can you tell the difference between sunrise and sunset? I suppose, you can. The sky more of a dark blue when the sun is setting - and there are some stars or the moon appear in that inky blue sky. Evening sky is kind of melancholy - there is something longing about it. I used to get really sad and empty in the evening, watching sunset. I don't know why - I wasn't lacking of anything or maybe I was. Glad to say, I'm okay with it now. But I suppose, evening and night time are hard for some people who live alone. Most of them said they didn't like to spend their night time on their own. I think it's something to do with it's the time we feel the most vulnerable as we're not nocturnal. 

I've been living alone for 7 years now. The first 

couple years I didn't like being on my own in the evening at all especially at the weekends. I would look out onto the carpark to see if my neighbours were at home like me or they were out. Most of the time my car was the only car left in the carpark which made me feel so so upset. Looking back, I can only chuckle at myself - how silly of me but again I completely understand. I mean, who would've known - now I've become to love spending my evening with myself and my dog of course. And I couldn't care less how many cars in the carpark.

Recently, I've been aware how much I've learnt and achieved and I feel like I have enough of something to share.

My job has allowed me to see and talk to people - especially the elderly ones. 55% of them would say they hate the winter because the nights are much longer and they have to spend most of the long evening alone. Say, if you had been married for 50 odd years and you got used to being 

with someone - either you got along with each other or not you would feel the difference when another was not there. 20 percent of them said they didn't mind they would either watch television or go to bed early. and 25 percent are used to being on their own - either they have always been single or they have been on their own for a long time they are used to it. 

Some people choose to be on their own by choice but some by circumstance. Of course people can feel lonely now and again even they choose to live alone. I know I do sometime. But I sort of know how to deal with it. 

Most of the time I keep myself busy. I work evening 3 days a week so it leaves 4 days to spend my evening alone. Most of the time I'm so happy to just pottering about the house - cooking and resting. There is always something to do. But if you feel lonely - no matter how much you have something to do - you will still lonely, I suppose. 

The Pleiades 

I can only share from my own experience that when I feel lonely in the evening I will try to be the best friend to myself. I will really look after myself by doing something nice like- cook myself a lovely meal, have a good tidy up, have a lovely candle lit bath, listen to music or watch a DVD or get a takeaway or go to eat out. I notice that for most people, evening time is their family time - we feel like we are an intruder if we would call them. Most of my married friends only send messages anyway - they don't phone. I think - have a rest and go to bed early is nice too. I'm saying that because it's now gone midnight and I'm very sleepy. Once I spent time with my cousin in Paris for a few days. On the train how, all of a sudden I missed her company so much I felt so sad.. I looked at my phone and there was a random feed on Facebook said, "Don't be lonely, the whole universe is within you." and I felt uplifted at once. Living alone can be lonely sometime - but I've learnt how to deal with it - not only that, solo living has taught me a lot more - all of which have made me a much better version of myself. lots of love....

my beloved Pleiades